We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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