We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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