Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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