hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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