kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
