PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
