Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
