I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
