feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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