I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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