Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
