you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
