So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish i was in the wii world.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
