New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
