If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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