Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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