Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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