i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
