if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
