Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
