Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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