Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
