I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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