In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
