Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
