4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
