Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
