i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
