i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
