Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
