it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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