The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
