I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
