I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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