he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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