You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
