we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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