I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
