i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
