i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
