new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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