I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
