you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she peed on how many people?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
being pregnant is like rehab
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
