It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
