just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
