Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
