i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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