miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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