OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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