I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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