Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
