Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
