do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
