I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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