census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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