In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
