Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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