were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
