I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
