She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
