Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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