Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
