You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
