ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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