I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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