I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
