May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
