that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
