That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize