Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
