chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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