Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
